I’ve been doing many past life readings lately, and thinking about some of them and how they relate to my own memories of past lives, especially those that have an emotional foundation. This is not something we consider when we think of potential past lives where we may have been a member of the Knights Templar brotherhood or a crusading knight. When we think of them, we tend to think only of the spiritual aspects, their quest for the Holy Land – however we understand that. We forget that the members of the brotherhood were human beings with human emotions and reactions.

While I was considering this, my guides suggested I share my own past life ‘crusader’ memory and how that life plays such a huge part in my current lifetime. They intimated that it might be of assistance to those currently re-experiencing past life memories within that time, and also the energetic ‘push’ that was playing out and that is currently being played out. So, I will endeavour to recount what I remember, what they told me, and how it plays out. Because I am not done with it yet.

The first information, I had about a lifetime as a crusading knight, I received in my thirties. I was meditating, as I did every day, and my guide appeared and gave me information. For most of my life, I had been looking for my Soulmate. But my relationships, up to this point which had been challenging and often abusive. I attracted men that brought up issues, known and unknown, which I had developed around the relationship I had with my father and other abuse experiences I had when I was younger. In the nineties, my quest, as a completely co-dependent woman, was to find the ONE. In that search, I had a reading with a woman who had done her training with the Alice Bailey Arcane School. I had been doing training with this material too, along with some friends of mine, and therefore I trusted her background. I was always careful about who I had readings from.

She told me I would never meet my soulmate but that I would have a number of relationships which would allow me to heal past-life and present life issues. She explained that these were souls I had known before, in past lives, and with whom I still had things to work out. To say I was disappointed would be an understatment. For my entire life I had been looking for the perfect relationship and now it looked like that was never going to happen. She also mentioned Jerusalem, and that I had failed before, but was now given an opportunity to try again.

I did not really understand what she meant, as I was only a few years into my conscious psychic development, so my guide thought it would be a good idea to give me an explanation, from a soul perspective. The way he did this was to show me a past life which I had chosen to work through in this one. As it turns out, there are multiple layers to this, but I will focus on the two most most important parts.

In that lifetime, I was a knight by the name of de Guillaume. William. I was a crusader. I was also madly in love with a noblewoman, and just about to go on my second crusade. She promised to marry me on my return and gave me a token to take with me so I would not forget her. It was a small kerchief which I tied around my upper left arm. With her promise of marriage I happily set off for the Holy Land. I returned successful, and more importantly alive ( I did not survive the following one) only to fnd she had not waited. Instead, she had married someone else.

I felt betrayed, angry and hopeless, and fell into a deep depression.

At this point in the vision-memory, my guide stepped in again. He went on to explain that the crusade I had gone on was supposed to be in service to God, but instead, I had gone in service to human love, and my own needs. In that lifetime, I had not succeeded in my chosen task. Therefore, I had chosen to come again, but this time, relationships would be secondary to my service to the Source. Once again, I was gutted. My need for love was immense. I was in my thirties. The last thing I needed to hear was that my life would be devoted to divine service, even though I wanted that too. But not to the exclusion of what I wanted most. I was codependent, after all and who, as a codependent person, wants to hear that they will never find the love they want?

Of course, he was talking about human love. Divine love is a whole different game. Something I understand now, but didn’t then.

I had a very physical message in Tintagel around this crusader lifetime, when myself and Chris went for a weekend to do energywork. This was back in 2005-ish. I had gone for a walk because my guides had told me to go the church of St Materiana. To get there, I had to take a side road that led past a tiny chapel called Fontevault Chapel, As I walked past it, my guides told me to stop and look in the hole at the side of the building and to take what I found there. I had no idea what they were talking about but I was used to being sent on ‘missions’, when they were teaching me to listen to their instructions.

At the tiny church, I noticed a square hole. You can just about make it out at the top of the steps to what would have been a door. Feeling self-conscious, a a little nervous, I put my hand through the hole. There was something in there. I pulled it out and it was a large, heavy piece of soapstone. It was too heavy to carry to the church on the cliff, and leftover feelings of guilt from my catholic upbringing made me feel bad, so I thought I’d pick it up on my way back to the bed and breakfast. That would give me time to process the morals of what they were telling me.

On my way back, hoping I was wrong and that my guides did not really want me to take it – someone had left it there for a reason, after all – again I was told to retrieve the stone. Hoping no-one could see me, even though it was evening and no-one was about, I took the stone and put it in my bag. I still felt bad, but told myself that it must be alright, otherwise my guides would not have told me to take it. It must mean something.

When I got back to the b & b, I took the stone out and examined it. It was large piece of creamy soapstone and on the base someone had scratched a message on it. It was a message to Richard the Lionheart in gratitude for the crusades they had shared. Now at this point, I knew about my past life, but had not yet gone to Ireland or Egypt, so did not really understand the message. Yet, I knew it was important to my own life. Richard was significant as it turned out. While cooking in my flat by the Red Sea, years later, one evening in 2016, my guides came in and said, ‘You slept with Richard’s mistress’. I had gone on crusade with him but I wasn’t all that faithful either by the looks of things. Or maybe it was revenge sex. Who knows…

(Fontevault chapel was named after an abbey which is also called Fonetvault/Fontevraud in Anjou, France. King Richard is buried there, along with Eleanor of Aquitaine, his mother. Both chapel and Abbey are dedicated to Our Lady of Fontevault).

Now in my sixties, I look back and see that both the medium, and my guide, were right. I have spent the past thirty years dealing with relationship issues, and now, taking care of my father, I am getting to the core of those issues, and the past life issues connected with them. I learned something invaluable from each relationship, and healed many layers. Those layers continued to go deeper. In each relationship, I was challenged to let go, over and over again, and my growth, and slowly my work with ‘Upstairs’, took precedence.

This involved more crusades. Two so far. The first to Ireland, and the second to Egypt. Each time, I had to choose to let go of loved ones, to do the work I had promised to do. The letting go was unbearable at times, but I was completely aware of the spiritual challenge, although at this stage I was not aware they were crusades. Even though my emotional attachments had to be secondary to the primary work of planetary healing it was not easy to bear, for me or for my loved ones, but I was learning to think with the mind of my soul.

And that brings me to the part my guide did not tell me, the part where I was continuing my crusader work of keeping open, and creating, the energy lines. It was only when I left Luxor, and moved to the Red Sea, that my guides told me what I was doing. All the work I had been doing since my last year in Ireland (2007-2008) had been building layers of energy in certain places, clearing a meridian across the country and opening the energy gates at each side of the country, so that energies could flow through the lines I had anchored. This included Iceland, Ireland, England, France and Egypt. (These links are only some of the work done in these places. But they give you an idea). Needless to say, I was not alone in this work. Friends who also did the Gaia Method Earthways were also present, each person joining in to do their part when it felt right for them. Crusades, after all, are not solitary pursuits.

The last energy line we anchored was in the Red Sea, and this line came from Europe, down through Egypt to Luxor, up to the Red Sea and across to Jerusalem. It was only then that I realised what I had been doing. In each of these countries, the meridians we were working on had to be cleared, before new templates of information could be anchored. All this work, and the work done by many healers and earth workers around the world, is to prepare for the Love frequency which will fill the grid when the time is right. The grid must be repaired and rebuilt before this love frequency can fill it.

I still wasn’t thinking in terms of crusades, however, but more that I was doing what I had been doing while on crusade: keeping the lines of light open and accessible, not for people primarily, but for the sacred sites. Until, a few months ago, my guides began talking about me beginning my third crusade. My third? I thought. What were the first two? I had not been thinking of the work we did in Ireland and Egypt as crusades, but to my guides that’s what they were.

My next crusade is in Spain, which will involve living there again for a time. All I know about this one is that I will be connecting to a past life where I was a Christian but converted to Islam in a city called Madinat al-Zahra in Cordoba. That information came in a dream, where I was shown the life I had led there, but I also felt the dynamics involved. I feel excited about reconnecting to that lifetime, as I feel it strongly, but I know that each ‘crusade’ has its own challenges and growth. And of course, there is the energywork, which I don’t know yet, but it will be clear the longer I am there.

It will take a few years, as did the others, but at least this time I know that I am working out my past-life failures and hopefully making a better job of it this time. And as for relationships? I’ve learned those lessons too, and no longer need one. Friendships and platonic relationships are more than good enough and they provide sufficient learning around the many faces of love.