During a conversation on Facebook with a couple of women friends who I attuned to the Gaia Method many moons ago I realised how we were all having similar experiences and challenges; and so I decided to write this for those of you who also do the Gaia Method. I hope that if you are also having similar experience it will help you to deal with them, or at least understand and accept them as a natural part of your development.
Since coming to live in Egypt a couple of years ago I have been immersed in the emotional waters of this culture. Actually crawling along the bottom of its emotional sea would be a more accurate description! Before I moved here I had developed to a point where I felt connected and creative. I had been spiritually developing for years and had gotten to a good, powerful place in my work. I felt open and abundant, and things flowed effortlessly! That’s not to say that it was always easy, because it wasn’t. But I knew that when issues came up, or that problems arose, that everything would be fine. I felt ‘looked after’. My connection to the Mother was clear and beautiful and I was able to manifest through nature easily. Moving to Egypt however, changed all of that! My ‘guides’ did warn me that I would have to put into use every skill I had learned up until now and they were not joking!
25th may 2011. (Channelling from a year before I came.)
Spend some time this winter coming to terms with the fact that your life has now taken a new turn and must now be traversed in a different way. This way will not be easy, as you are now aware, but if you are to overcome the natural tendencies of Egyptian men to control and cajole their women then you will need to be immersed in this way of life. You will need your wits about you if you are to succeed and keep your eyes wide open as you will need to learn everything you can about this culture and how it relates to human relationships. Try not so see it through the eyes of a European woman as their beliefs differ widely from yours and your views and standpoints will not serve you here. So just look and listen and learn and you will soon know what needs changing and how you need to change. But do not despair daughter that your efforts in this arena will fall on deaf ears but persevere and you will know some peace in your life before it is ended. This we promise you to-day. Enjoy your new life and learn its language so that your life becomes the blueprint for others to follow. That is all.
During this time too I had a powerful meditation about existing in the vast space of the Universe. A beam of light from within the Universe shone into a newly released ovum, which then burst into life. The egg then travelled down the fallopian tube and into the womb, where it planted itself and grew and developed until it was ready to be born. When the baby was eventually born it was born into Egypt!
My first year in Luxor was a nightmare. I had suddenly gone from feeling confident in my world to being a baby in another one. I felt raw, sensitive and extremely vulnerable, just like a newborn baby would having left its spiritual world to be born into this physical one. I had no idea how to act, no idea of how other people acted and I couldn’t speak the language. The only ‘people’ I felt comfortable with were the two year old kids! I felt just like a baby! If my husband went out and ‘left me’ with other people I felt abandoned and scared. I had left my nice, energetic world where I understood how life worked to being born again into a harsh and unpredictable one. There was so much ‘going on’ around me that I felt bombarded. Thinking about it I didn’t know whether I was re-experiencing my own childhood or whether it really was a kind of rebirth. I remember years ago having a session with a psychic artist and she had told me that I was living two lives in one; and that is how it felt. Instead of going through the process of dying, spending some time back in the spirit-world, and then working through what my next life would be I had skipped all of that and done it in this life instead. Saves a lot of time but I don’t know which is worse! I could very little connection with ‘upstairs’ as I was just trying to manage living here, let alone deal with missions etc.
Slowly, over the course of time, I began to manage it better. I learned, the hard way, how people operated, how they felt and how they thought. And slowly I began to feel disconnected to my ‘former life’. I began to lose large chunks of memory, thanking God that I kept extensive journals! I wasn’t forgetting people, as they are emotionally connected to me and me to them, but I could no longer remember events and where in time they happened. It was like my mind was becoming blank. I wondered if this was how a young child experienced the first few years of their new life in a new body. I remember how psychic my first granddaughter, May, was and how she knew when someone was coming or was able to read people. She gave me some very useful information! Slowly she began to lose the ability, but hopefully it will come back when she is older. My own connection was dwindling too and it felt like there was just too much going on to be able to keep the connection. Life was hard work…and completely exhausting. People behaved in ways which were unbelievable to me. It was, and still is, chaotic. It took every ounce of my energy to deal with the cultural/religious/relational differences here. Because I expected people here to be the same as they were in the UK I was constantly shocked when they weren’t. Boundaries were non-existent, abuse was the norm and it was a bloody miracle they were alive at all! I couldn’t figure out how on earth they survived!
Being here brought up many of my, as yet, unhealed issues around guilt. Guilt about having money when others did not, mainly. It reminded me of my own childhood, where we were one of the wealthy families in town and others didn’t have what we had. Although I wasn’t consciously aware of it at the time I had certainly introjected it and now I was becoming aware of it. As a result I gave most of my money to help the other family members and left myself with virtually nothing, until I became ill. When I recovered a month later I realised what I was doing and why and so I changed it.
I had learned all of this back in the UK during the preceding 20 years but it was as if I had forgotten everything and had to do it all over again. I had to recreate healthy boundaries so that I was not seen as the ‘walking purse’, handing out money as though it grew on trees. I had to recognise the dynamics of family members and deal with them accordingly! What was the most difficult was dealing with the women. I had been trained in the UK as an abuse counsellor and now I was surrounded by abuse and domestic violence. It was a ‘normal’ part of life here and I had to learn to step back and not interfere, even though that was extremely difficult. I needed to be in a stronger position to do anything and I wasn’t there yet! ‘Upstairs’ constantly told me to be a witness to everything. I needed to learn it all first. I recognised that western ways of doing things do not work here and it can be the most frustrating and saddening experience witnessing all that happens and not be able to do anything about it. But I didn’t want to be a rescuer either. I know that rescuing is not necessarily always the right thing to do.
My most important experiences here are about power and control and how women’s lives are. Mother in law issues were a nightmare and I really had to stand my ground and create strong boundaries before she learned to respect me and not treat me like she does the other women. Having conversations with a friend in the UK, who was having similar experiences to mine, made me wonder why we were dealing with Mothers who were dysfunctional and controlling, especially with their sons and husbands. I wondered if, in the bigger picture, we were having to deal with the dysfunctional Mother, the Mother who has learned to be a survivor, rather than a nurturer. It is as though we are both healing our own issues and learning about the powerless Mother. We are after all, trying to bring back the awareness of the Great Mother and her abundance, so maybe we need to go through all aspects of the unhealed Mother and understand how she came to be so that we can heal these beliefs.
It is only now, over two years later, that I feel like I am surfacing again into the light. But it is still a struggle. I have had to let go of so many things, so many ideas and so many desires. My struggle to maintain my own core of power has been huge. During these last two years I lost it nearly completely, but it gave me great insight into how women exist and survive here. A couple of nights ago I had a vision of myself swimming from deep beneath the sea and up towards the light. By the time I got to the light I could swim in the water without being submerged in it. It is an immense struggle to follow my own spiritual leanings and to write/teach etc without being pulled by other’s needs and desires. Its like Jesus’ words to his disciples “Be in the world but not of it”. Makes perfect sense!
But we’re not out of the waters yet. Slowly slowly I swim, but I am getting there and have a couple of books ready to write now as a result. I have also discovered that I can teach the Gaia Method online and have had some beautiful experiences with that, and made some wonderful connections.
So if any of this resonates with you or you are going through similar women/power/lack of connection issues know that there is a good reason and we are all learning new stuff here. How can we bring the energy of the Mother back into the collective unconscious, and thereby into physical reality, if all we know is dysfunction, abuse and chaos. As with all healing, we have to first experience it before we can know it and heal it. Its not an easy path but there are some amazing women, young and older, who are doing some brilliant work on these levels and it warms my heart every-time we communicate and I hear how they are managing. They are brilliant. There are some great men doing it too. We know that we need to ‘get’ the Mother in all of her aspects before we can bring back the balanced Mother; and the energies are changing worldwide now, so we are certainly not alone!
We’ll get there…one day and it will all have been worthwhile.
(Dedicated to Nikki, Kayleigh, Jackie,Chris and Omar, and to all the Gaia Method healers out there who work so hard).